Friday, 13 June 2008

Last night in UB

Улаан баатар
Distance traveled: 9128 km

After waiting countless days, actually only 3, but being stuck somewhere, and especially in UB, makes it feels that much longer, I was finally set for going to the Gobi the next morning - that was until i ran into a speed talking obnoxious Brit, and he's two much more likable companieros, who offered me some Vodka, which following ancient Mongolian traditions, I - naturally - was unable to refuse. The events that followed this one glass of Vodka, felt - and still feels - rather surreal.

Having been rather bored in a couple of days, I had a hard time refusing going out with this lot, and so it was, that in the course of an hour, I found myself in a closed restaurant, at a Mongolians birthday party, and here I was in all honesty - force fed with Chingiis Vodka, which I must say is rather good, it is still Vodka however, and Vodka can only taste that good. But wait, the observant reader might go to wonder how exactly one is force fed Vodka?

In reality it's a rather simple procedure; you simply take one Englishman (preferably to drunk to speak coherent sentences) holding the subjects hands, add to that a Mongolian (preferably hell bent on getting the - often Caucasian subject - in the same condition as the aforementioned Englishman) pouring Vodka in a pint glass, and top off it off with a whole ensemble screaming drink! drink! drink! once step 1 & 2 have been completed - you'll get the gist of it.

This all seemed to be rather strange by itself, but the circumstances i found myself in, got even more surreal by the minute at this point. The birthday child turned out to be a cook-in-training at this closed restaurant, which i guess makes sense somehow. But apart from being a cook-in-training, I was here dealing with a Mongolian with broken English, who was a satanist, loved Norwegian Black metal and all things evil and had a heartfelt desire to join the Waffen SS, and even seemed to make a big deal out of the latter, in front of his (female) boss. Fortunately, battle hardened by Russia, I had a few defenses to the onslaught up in my sleeve, one of which was to leave 1/3 of the glass full each time (which is almost never commented on). This torture of all things sensible, continued at a Mongolian Techno club, where I was attacked (or rather given a light slap to my back head) by Buddhas fat Mongolian cousin (dunno maybe he had a bad experience with foreigners or whatever) not to worry, I was immediately defended by an armada of Mongolian guys (I told you they were a friendly lot) who promptly carried the attacker to the stairs, and in a rather impressive show of coordination threw this guy far down the aforementioned staircase. I needs to be noted that I at this point was far from the drunken state of my companions, which made the whole experience all the more odd.
To top of a very disorientating night, the birthday celebrant insisted on following us home to the hotel (cause: "I am waffen SS, I will protect you") after circling rather doggy neighborhoods for a very long time, and a great deal of asking when we would arrive at our much needed beds, we found out he was not at all protecting us, rather the opposite - since he went "I find great Mongolian slut women for you" - we got back to the Hotel rather quickly after that one!!!

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